My Partner and I Are Incompatible! Expert Marriage Counsellor Gives 9 Tips To Tackle Incompatibility
Article by Expert Marriage Counsellor, UK.
Suman’s husband comes home after a long hard day at work and plops on the couch. He then watches TV until he falls asleep. She understands and accepts that this is his way to relax and unwind.
But what is unacceptable to Suman is when he does the same thing even on his days off. Initially, she tried enticing her husband with interesting adventures but his passiveness and lack of interest demotivated her efforts.
Now, Suman wonders if she and her husband are even compatible and cannot help but question her choice of getting married to him.
Incompatibility plagues many marriages. Sometimes partners may feel incompatible at the very beginning of the relationship, and at times they may realize that the years of staying together have actually drifted them apart.
In this article, our expert marriage counsellor at Holistic Living explains plausible reasons why couples experience incompatibility, the factors that escalate this problem, and finally how to tackle incompatibility and connect with your partner in all ways.
Expert Marriage Counsellor’s Take on Incompatibility- Why Does It Happen At All?
Young love often sees everything with rose-coloured glasses. I will give you my personal example. When I married Steve, I knew very well that he did not believe in grand romantic gestures and had zero ability to even pull off one. I, on the other hand, loved grand gestures. I would go out of my way to plan things for him and ensure that everything is pompous and larger than life.
Steve’s lack of enthusiasm bothered me. However, I convinced myself that he would change. Did he change? Not really. That was Steve’s core and my expectation that we would all of a sudden change after marriage was naive and unrealistic.
We had many fights over it. It almost had me convinced that I married the wrong guy! But gradually I realized that I knew this trait from the very beginning and it made no sense to hate him for that now.
My point here is that you know many problematic aspects about your partner from the beginning of the relationship or marriage. It is your choice to accept them wholeheartedly instead of being in the hope that they will change.
Incompatibility does not magically appear after marriage. It is just that when the lavender haze fades, you see them for who they really are.
Age or being in a long-distance relationship may affect compatibility as well, says expert marriage counsellor. Another factor could be going through life transitions. Pregnancy especially largely affects the bond between two people. Since a major chunk of your attention gets diverted to the kids, it is possible to feel a sense of disconnection with your partner.
Having said that, the most glaring reason for incompatibility is a lack of mutual efforts or laziness. I would advise couples to not get too comfortable. Taking each other for granted simply because you know neither one is going anywhere is a depressing mistake.
Expert Marriage Counsellor on How To Tackle Incompatibility
Tackling incompatibility in a marriage requires dedication, open communication, and a willingness to work together to find common ground. As an expert marriage counsellor, I can offer you a comprehensive approach to addressing incompatibility:
Open and Honest Communication: Encourage couples to openly discuss their feelings, thoughts, and concerns. Create a safe space where both partners feel comfortable sharing their perspectives without fear of judgment or criticism. Active listening is crucial here; each partner should truly understand the other’s point of view before responding.
Identify Core Values and Beliefs: Help couples identify their core values, beliefs, and priorities. Often, incompatibility arises when these fundamental aspects of a person’s identity clash. By understanding each other’s values, couples can work towards finding compromises or solutions that align with both partners’ principles.
Empathy and Understanding: Teach empathy as a cornerstone of effective communication. Couples need to put themselves in each other’s shoes to truly understand the emotions and experiences behind their differing viewpoints. This fosters a deeper connection and helps dispel misunderstandings.
Talk to an Expert Marriage Counsellor and Build Better Understanding With Your Partner.
Manage Expectations: Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and conflict. Assist couples in setting realistic expectations for each other and the relationship. This may involve examining societal influences, past experiences, and personal desires that shape their expectations.
Conflict Resolution Skills: Teach constructive conflict resolution techniques, such as active problem-solving, compromise, and negotiation. Couples should learn how to address disagreements respectfully and find solutions that meet both partners’ needs.
Quality Time and Shared Activities: Encourage couples to engage in shared activities and spend quality time together. Finding common interests or hobbies can bridge the gap between differences and create positive experiences that strengthen the bond.
Individual Growth and Development: Highlight the importance of individual growth within a relationship. Each partner should be encouraged to pursue personal interests, hobbies, and self-improvement. This not only enriches their own lives but also contributes positively to the relationship dynamics.
Seek Professional Guidance: If incompatibility issues persist, recommend seeking professional guidance from an expert marriage counsellor or therapist. A neutral third party can provide insights, strategies, and tools to address deeper-seated issues and facilitate productive conversations.
Appreciation and Gratitude: Foster an attitude of appreciation and gratitude within the relationship. Encourage couples to regularly acknowledge each other’s strengths and positive qualities, which can help counterbalance differences.
Long-Term Vision and Goals: Assist couples in developing a shared vision for their future together. By setting common goals and aspirations, couples can align their efforts and work collaboratively toward a meaningful future.
Flexibility and Adaptability: Emphasize the importance of being flexible and adaptable in a relationship. Life circumstances and individual preferences can change over time, so couples should be open to adjusting their approach as needed.
Celebrate Differences: Help couples view their differences as opportunities for growth and learning. When partners approach incompatibility as a chance to understand and support each other better, it can lead to a more harmonious relationship.
Remember, addressing incompatibility is an ongoing process that requires patience, dedication, and a genuine desire to make the relationship work. An expert marriage counsellor can guide couples through this journey, providing them with the tools and insights they need to build a strong and fulfilling partnership despite their differences.
Conclusion
Lack of compatibility can be a daunting concern in any marital relationship. It brings boredom, frustration, regret and disappointment that can get too challenging to manage. Incompatibility can stem from many factors such as age, long distance, life changes, poor communication, passiveness or lack of mutual efforts.
But wait, take a deep breath! All is not lost. Lack of incompatibility can be effectively resolved with honest communication, sharing activities that you both enjoy, embracing each other’s differences and even seeking help of an expert marriage counsellor if required.
Marriage takes work. Our expert marriage counsellor advises couples to go the extra mile to revive their romance and restore their connection. It is easy to feel that all is doomed when you are going through a rough patch but with mutual efforts, your marriage can thrive against all odds.
