Ways Of Dealing With a Narcissistic Toxic Parenting in a Proactive Manner
Co-parenting is difficult. It’s even more difficult and intimidating to co-parent with a narcissist. Regardless of whether you and your partner are still together, separated, or divorced, you can secure yourself and your children by being proactive and prepared to counter their toxic parenting.
Ways to Deal With a Narcissistic Co-Parent in a Proactive Manner
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) affects people who believe they are ideal, have a great desire for power and adulation, and are unable to empathize with others. This is typically the result of adversity they experienced as children, such as acute poverty or abuse. As a result, they have extremely poor self-esteem on a deep level, which they try to compensate for by demanding authority and thinking of themselves as faultless. Following these steps can help you and your child avoid a narcissistic parent.
Make a Personal Commitment to Your Child’s Safety
Some people with NPD can be aggressive to their family members on a mental, emotional, and verbal level. This is due to their insatiable desire for power. They’re probably mistaking your boldness for a personal attack. When children are abused, it is frequently because their abusers perceive natural child behaviors as disrespectful.
If you see your partner yelling at or belittling your child, intervene right away to defend them and get them out of the situation. Otherwise, your relationship with your child may suffer as a result of the lack of protection, which can be even more painful than the trauma itself. Speak up and inform your partner that what they’re doing to the child is wrong, and then remove your child to another room. Apologize to your child for their ordeal and assure them that you will do everything possible to safeguard them.
Consult an expert.
To manage and overcome problems, you should seek counseling, especially from someone who specializes in abusive relationships. If you decide to divorce or separate from your partner, you should speak with a lawyer who specializes in such issues. It’s also crucial to talk to your counselor about how to leave your partner safely.
If you and your partner are no longer together and you suspect they are abusing your child during their visits, file a police report and include details like the date your child told you about the incident, the date or date range during which the abuse occurred, where the abuse occurred, and what you did to respond. This information might come in handy in court.
Make use of parallel parenting.
If you and the narcissistic parent are no longer together, thinking of them as a parallel parent rather than a co-parent will make things a lot simpler for you. Co-parenting means that you and your child raise your child together. However, due to their need to be powerful and significant, someone with NPD is unable to operate in a group setting. Parallel parents, on the other hand, do not attend their child’s events or parent-teacher conferences together, as co-parents do. This is vital so that you can limit your contact with your ex and avoid avoidable problems.
Make sure you’re ready for each interaction.
NPD patients do not forgive and forget; instead, they harbor grudges for a long time. They live on vengeance because the ego is their driving force. As a result, you should prepare for encounters with them by writing down what you want to say. It is critical in any interaction to:
Make sure your statements are brief and to the point.
Maintain your composure since narcissists thrive on eliciting emotional responses from others.
Expect no apology, because true apologies need empathy, which narcissists lack.
Recognize that you are not to blame.
Stick on the topic at hand and don’t respond to their vitriol with a response.
Make sure you’re ready for each interaction.
NPD patients do not forgive and forget; instead, they harbor grudges for a long time. They live on vengeance because the ego is their driving force. As a result, you should prepare for encounters with them by writing down what you want to say. It is critical in any interaction to:
Make sure your statements are brief and to the point.
Maintain your composure since narcissists thrive on eliciting emotional responses from others.
Expect no apology, because true apologies need empathy, which narcissists lack.
Recognize that you are not to blame.
Stick on the topic at hand and don’t respond to their vitriol with a response.
Avoid Getting Your Kids Into Fights
A narcissistic parent may use their child as a pawn in a power struggle with you. If you and your partner are fighting and your ex or partner draws the child into the mix, say something to the effect of “This is not her fault, keep her out of this.” Your child needs to hear that you are always advocating for them.
In general, if your child is present in the same room while you and your partner are fighting, pause, remove the child to a different room, and redirect them to an activity before continuing the disagreement. While your child could still hear the argument through the door, you’re demonstrating to them that you’re doing everything you can to keep them safe.
Maintain a Positive Relationship with Your Children
People with narcissistic characteristics are less likely to have deep emotional bonds with their children. Children may feel emotionally neglected and hurt by this parent as a result of this, as well as the fact that they do not prioritize their children’s needs before their own.
As a result, you must make allowances for the narcissistic parent. Make sure you tell your child how much you love them regularly. Hug them frequently as well, as physical touch is essential for their development. To teach children appropriate conduct and relationships, use authoritative parenting.
Encourage your child’s passions.
Whether you’re with your spouse or not, they’re probably not concerned about your child’s hobbies because they’re preoccupied with themselves. They may even blame your child for doing something positive, like reading. To preserve control and high regard for oneself, someone with NPD regularly criticizes others for nearly anything.
As a result, you’ll have to take the lead in promoting your child’s interests. Allowing time for those activities or enrolling them in schools or programs will encourage your child’s interests. This is critical for their growth and development as adults. In a parenting plan, be as specific as possible about the activities and logistics.
Make Self-Care a Priority
Dealing with a narcissist regularly is psychologically, emotionally, and physically exhausting. You can employ self-care practices to better care for yourself and, as a result, for your child. You can teach your child the value of self-care by taking care of yourself.
Don’t give up and don’t surrender.
It’s unsettling to think about preparing for the worst-case scenario. Simultaneously, it is preferable to be prepared with a plan that you will not have to employ than to be stuck in an unpleasant scenario. It is easier to safeguard yourself and your child if you are proactive.
