The Woman With Anxiety Disorder & How I Loved Her In The Best Way I Could For 17 Years
She had anxiety disorder and it was quite evident.
Deep sighs, crinkled eyebrows, shivering legs.
“It is okay. Take deep breaths”
“It is okay. Take deep breaths”
“It is okay. Take deep breaths”
She kept chanting to herself.
I simply held her hand and conveyed through my eyes that I am there for her.
We both lay down on the concrete floor until her panic attack passed away.
For Mahima the slightest change in our relationship dynamics would trip her overthinking button and she would spend hours analyzing and contemplating what could go wrong.
“You love me right?”
“Yes, I do!” I said to her a 113th time.
I soon realized that she had relationship anxiety disorder and that is why needed constant reassurance.
Unfortunately, her anxiety disorder worsened when her father passed away. The sudden loss pushed Mahima to her edge and the whole year was spent in and out of hospital rooms.
I hated to see her like that. Mahima was much more than her anxiety disorder.
She was compassionate, creative, loving, and quirky in the cutest ways. I had fallen in love with her mind, body, and soul and there was no turning back.
But I will confess that being in love with someone who has anxiety disorder is difficult.
The constant need for reassurance, at times irrational fears, and impulsivity can demand way too much of your mental and emotional energy as well.
Mahima could notice that I was starting to get a bit weary of her constant inner turmoil. She convinced herself that hiding it from me would be the best for our relationship.
It was not. Instead, she became passive-aggressive and since she had nobody to share her thoughts with, her anxiety disorder only got worse.
Our relationship was taking an ugly turn. We hardly ever met and every time we did we would end up fighting. I felt miserable and she could not stop crying.
Going through relationship problems is the most exhausting thing ever. I did not feel like eating, I was angry all the time, and my focus on work was negligible.
On the other side, Mahima was suffering too. We both loved each other but somehow we could never reach a middle ground in our arguments and the unresolved conflicts only created more distance between us.
I could not bear the thought of separating from her but living like this was no less than hell.
I remember in the very start of our relationship Mahima had asked me, “If we ever need to go for relationship counseling to save our relationship, will you do that?”
I wanted to save the precious bond I had with her so one day I met her and discussed the idea of taking relationship counseling.
We were a bit hesitant at first but after reading many positive stories and seeing successful examples in our own friend circle, we decided to give it a fair shot.
The relationship counselor was unbiased, and non-judgmental and helped in shifting our perspective. She also assisted Mahima in reducing her overthinking and finding healthy ways to cope with relationship anxiety disorder
We found a space to express our emotions, thoughts, and views without blowing them out of proportion and gradually learn how to communicate openly with each other.
We understood the importance of boundaries in a relationship and how to retain our own identity without feeling selfish or guilty for that.
It was certainly an eye-opening experience for both of us and improved the dynamics of our relationship tremendously.
The best part was her anxiety was reducing. I could see her getting happier, healthier, and calmer. It is really amazing to see the woman she is becoming and I am very proud of the strength with which she tackles her anxiety disorder.
As for me, relationship counseling helped me open up about my needs and expectations in our relationship and how I can respond to Mahima’s impulsivity without letting it affect me too much.
I really cannot put in words how counselling saved our relationship. We of course, have our fights, arguments and conflicts but we know how to stick together through all storms and at the same time continue to work on our individual selves.
Note: A Relationship or Marriage Counsellor is a qualified professional who helps you and your partner to explore your feelings, expectations, needs in a marriage or relationship. A Relationship Counsellor aims at resolving your marital or relationship conflicts and rebuilding the precious and happy bond shared between you and your partner.
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