5 Signs your relationship is not working: here’s how a therapist can help!
Sometimes relationships go through a rough phase and it gets difficult for couples to maintain their mutual feelings of love for each other. Lack of communication or intimacy can sometimes lead to losing romantic feelings and questioning the sanctity of the relationship.
However, reaching this stage does not mean that the relationship is over or feelings have been lost forever. Relationships go through different phases and reaching a stagnant face is mostly normal. If there is no abuse involved, there is no need to overthink the credibility of your relationship. Losing feelings is sometimes momentary and it does not mean that you cannot get them back.
Here are a few signs that your relationship has become stagnant.
1. Lack of things to talk about. You find a difficult to talk to each other and share details about your day. You are not interested in knowing about how your partner’s day went and are not willing to talk about yours either. This could be a sign of a lost connection with your partner.
2. Your outlook towards your partner has changed. You are consciously treating your partner differently than you usually do. But, there is no constant change in your demeanor overall. This indicates that your innermost feelings towards your partner are getting altered.
3. You do not wish to keep yourself available. You are consciously trying to withdraw from communication and physical intimacy with your partner. You are reluctant in being responsive to them or do not feel the need to communicate often.
4. Ignoring your partner has become more normal than usual. You are not listening to your partner attentively nor are you interested in saying something to keep their focus on you. This is a sign of losing interest and indicates a loss of connection.
5. You are not facing conflicts like before. You have stopped arguing with your partner. You just feel that it is not worth your time and energy to prove a point to them or argue about any issue. This is almost equal to not being affected by anything your partner says anymore. This is a major red flag and needs to be addressed soon.
If you can relate to the above signs, it does not necessarily mean that your relationship has reached a dead end. If you are open to making a change and still feel that there is scope for rekindling the love you had before, here are a few things you can do.
How can you rekindle love in your relationship?
If you are keen to improve your relationship with your partner there are plenty of ways to do so. The most important thing is knowing if your partner is on the same page. There needs to be a common ground on which you both agree. This common ground is either working on the relationship or parting ways.
If only one of you is interested in repairing the relationship and reigniting the spark, it will mostly not work. This could even suffocate your partner and push them further away. It is crucial to maintain a balance between trying to save a relationship and making someone feel stuck. Here are a few things you can do as a couple to rekindle your feelings toward each other.
1. Try to live the honeymoon phase again. Think about the first time you met and how your partner’s presence made you feel. Introspect what was different back then. Do you see any discrepancies in the way you treat each other now? If the answer is yes, you will have a clear understanding of the problem you are facing. Try to recreate those moments by doing things you did before. Sometimes recreating old memories can trigger your mind into remembering how you felt about your partner initially.
2. Try to recall and cherish the things you always loved about your partner. Consciously remember the good things about your partner and what made you fall in love with them in the first place. Pay attention to the little things. Their smile, the sound of their laughter, and the way their expression changes when they’re happy. Try to explore new things you both enjoy. Making each other feel loved goes a long way in rekindling the friendship between you. Little things matter the most. Try talking and listening more than before and make sure your partner feels heard.
3. Support each other’s interests. Try to get involved more in your partner’s likes and interests. See them as separate human beings. When you see them being themselves, you will realize that these were the traits that made you fall in love with your partner.
4. Appreciate and honor each other more. Try to ignore your partner’s flaws and look beyond their weaknesses. Acceptance is key. Try to ignore the small things which might be bothering you. Appreciate the little efforts they are making, and it will be reciprocated positively. Be vocal about what you love about them and appreciate them at every chance you get.
5. Communication is the key. Talk to your partner about how you feel, and try to listen more. Have meaningful discussions about how you have been feeling, the things that bother you, and the things you love about your partner. If you trust your partner and be honest with them, communication helps in building an even stronger relationship than before.
6. Make an effort to date your partner all over again. Pay attention to the little details and appreciate them. Take each other out for dinner, watch movies together, and recreate an old experience you loved before.
How can counseling help?
It is normal to have a phase where you feel that you are lesser in love. A stagnant relationship often makes you doubt the credibility and worry about what the future holds. You probably still have some feelings buried inside, they are just not as evident as before. The fact that you want to make it work with your partner is enough to believe that your relationship is meant to last. It is important to decide if you want a relationship to work or not. Anyway, trying to save your relationship is always a good idea so that even if it doesn’t work, you do not have any regrets later.
Couples counseling can be an excellent way to understand the shortcomings and loopholes of your relationship.
If both partners are ready to work on their relationship, therapy has proven that you can make significant progress. It can strengthen your relationship and increase intimacy. A relationship coach, therapist, or counselor can help you in recognizing the areas of your relationship which require work and conscious improvement. Sometimes with age, couples forget to listen and communicate effectively. Therapy can help them improve their skills and make both partners feel accepted and heard. Honesty and trust can be developed through therapy. This is a long-term solution to building a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
In case you have any doubt about whether or not you should put effort into repairing your relationship, consider meeting with a therapist alone. They can help you decide if your relationship is worth saving. In some cases, the reason for losing feelings is completely valid. Relationships can get toxic and partners can get abusive. In such cases, you don’t have to go back and invest any more energy in repairing the relationship. This judgment is always crucial.
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