Expert Child Counsellor Gives 5 Best Ways You Can Help Your Child Cope With Failures And Boost Their Self-Confidence
Expert Child Counsellor- Holistic Living
It was the year 2012. It was the last day of my school, and like every other kid, I had mixed feelings about it. I was happy that I no longer had to bear the burden of homework or get a beating for not completing my assignments on time. On the other hand, I was filled with an unexplainable sadness. I will not see my friends every day. We will get busy in our lives. Some of them will move to different cities for college. Everything was about to change, and I felt like I was caught up in the middle of a storm.
My exams did not go the way I had planned. I was never academically smart. I hated the smell of textbooks and you would often see me outside of the class instead of sitting inside. I know I had made a blunder in my exams, and I was honestly scared of repeating the year.
My worst fears came true when the results came out. I had failed in most of the papers. Although I somehow managed to squeeze through the final score, it did not matter because, with such poor results, there was no way I could get into a good college.
I felt miserable. I felt like a complete loser. All my friends were cheering for their achievements while I shut myself in my room and cursed myself for being dumb.
Should I run away?
Should I end my life?
Am I a burden on my parents?
These thoughts were spinning in my head when my father softly knocked on the door and asked me if I wanted anything to eat. I told him I was not in the mood. After some time he came back and asked me if he could come in.
We chatted for an hour about random things. He gave me new updates on the PS3 game and the upcoming football match. I finally opened up to him about my failure and apologized for not being a good son. He patted on my back and laughed it off. He assured me that grades have got nothing to do with me being a good son or a bad son.
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I am 35 years old now, and working as a successful programmer in a leading gaming company. I earn well enough to buy a house in Mumbai, own 2 cars, and live a comfortable life with my family.
I take pride in my materialistic achievements but my biggest blessing has always been my father. He is my backbone and my best friend for life.
Failing my papers in the 10th std was one of the lowest points in my life. If it was not for my father’s support, I would have succumbed to my failures and never gained the confidence to build a good life for myself. I owe everything to him because he made me understand that a person is not defined by his failures but how he chooses to deal with them.
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Kartik’s story reflects the importance of a parent’s role in a child’s life. Parents are generally the primary caregivers and the foremost role model of children. It is through their parents, that they see and understand the world around them.
Children who receive emotional safety and security from their parents are more likely to develop into stable, happy, and successful adults. They build functional relationships with others and have higher self-esteem and confidence.
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There are numerous research studies that have highlighted the importance of a healthy parenting style. For instance, the NICHD Study of Early Child Care and Youth Development: This study followed children from birth to age 15 and found that children who experienced sensitive, responsive caregiving during their early years had better cognitive, social, and emotional outcomes than children who did not.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development: This study followed men for over 75 years and found that those who had warm and supportive relationships with their parents during childhood were more likely to have successful and fulfilling lives.
Therefore, as parents, we should thrive to create a loving, safe, and nourishing environment for our children and give them support and guidance on how to deal with negative emotions, stress, and failures.
The expert child counsellor at Holistic Living gives 5 tips on how to help children cope with failures and build their confidence. She is 53 years old and has acquired quite a good reputation in the field of therapy and counselling. She has a Masters’ and Doctorate degree in Psychology with many diploma certificates and training courses in child psychology and child counselling.
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The expert child counsellor is also a mother of 2 daughters and a son. She believes that parenting could be the toughest job and one that never ends.
These 5 tips are based on careful research, observation, and personal experiences of the expert child counsellor.
Encourage a Growth Mindset: Encouraging your child to have a growth mindset means emphasizing the idea that they can learn from their failures and setbacks, and that effort and hard work can lead to success. Praising effort over achievement helps build resilience and promotes the idea that mistakes are a necessary part of the learning process. For instance, if your child receives a low grade on a test, you might praise their effort and encourage them to keep studying to improve their grade, rather than criticizing them for their score.
Emphasize the Process, not just the Outcome: Focusing on the process of working towards a goal can help your child feel more in control of their success, rather than being solely focused on the end result. For example, if your child is working on a school project, you might ask them questions about how they plan to complete it, what challenges they anticipate, and how they plan to overcome them. This helps them learn problem-solving skills and builds confidence in their ability to tackle challenges.
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Teach Coping Strategies: Teach your child coping strategies that they can use when they feel overwhelmed or discouraged, such as deep breathing, taking a break, or talking to a trusted friend or family member. Practicing these strategies when your child is not under stress can help them feel more confident in using them when they need them. For instance, you might practice deep breathing exercises with your child before bed each night.
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Help Your Child Find Their Strengths: Encourage your child to explore different activities and hobbies to help them find their strengths and passions. Focusing on their strengths can help them feel more confident in their abilities and help them develop a positive self-image. For example, if your child is interested in sports, you might sign them up for a variety of sports programs to help them find the one they enjoy the most.
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The expert child counsellor says that she would advise against forcing hobbies and activities on them. As parents, we want our children to excel in sports, arts, etc. There is nothing wrong with that as long as your child is enjoying them, but it is important to recognize and ask your children about their interests and then accordingly encourage them to enroll in new activities and programs.
Provide Unconditional Love and Support: Let your child know that you love and support them, regardless of their successes or failures. This helps them feel safe and secure, which can help them cope with challenges and setbacks more effectively. For example, you might tell your child that you love them and are proud of them, regardless of their grades or athletic performance.
Implementing these tips in your daily life will certainly bring many positive changes in your child and strengthen your bond with them as well. You may also consider talking to an expert child counsellor in case you need more guidance on your child’s emotional and mental well-being. If you notice that your child is struggling with mental and emotional concerns such as aggression, anxiety, stress, frequent low moods, loneliness, etc then it is advisable to go for child counselling and help your child to overcome these concerns and live a healthy and happy life.
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