Why Do Couples Cheat? Expert Relationship Counselor Gives 6 Reasons That Compel Couples To Cheat On Their Partners
Expert Relationship Counselor- Holistic Living
What constitutes infidelity? In our modern and tech-based world, we have access to strangers living in the opposite side of planet Earth. There are robots and AI technology that seem to provide a physical and emotional connection with human beings.
The growing number of dating applications clearly show people’s growing interest in dating and relationships, yet somehow many of us are feeling alone and lost.
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In times like these, relationships have become fragile and break-ups have become swift and easy because, hey, there are plenty of fish in the sea right? You simply swipe right and there you have your possible soulmate… or maybe a total creep.
We asked our expert relationship counselor who has been providing counseling to many couples over the last decade to give us her personal insight into the changing trends of relationships, love, and marriage.
The expert relationship counselor says, “I have seen positive and negative changes in my 20 years of career. The positive side is that couples are willing to address their issues and take active steps to resolve them instead of being stuck in an unhappy marriage. They are more conscious and self-aware. Those stereotypes attached to therapy are melting away and that is a big plus.
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The negative side is that young people have less value for relationships. The tolerance has decreased. We want our partner to be perfect. We compare them to others on social media, or we compare our relationships to all the #couplegoals posts on Instagram. When our partners don’t meet our high standards we begin to wonder if we are settling down for less and start hunting for better.
Young people fail to understand that a successful relationship will have its fair share of compromises, and if you keep searching for a flawless partner then you will be searching forever.
And yes, I have also observed a steep rise in cases of infidelity and extramarital affairs. In fact, that is one of the biggest reasons why many couples come for relationship counseling.
Cheating is the saddest thing that can happen in a marriage. However, it can also serve as an eye-opener. Although there is no reason to justify infidelity, most of the time there are underlying issues and events that lead to that unfortunate outcome.
For instance, I had a 34 years old man who cheated on his wife after the delivery of their second child. I know that sounds pathetic, but as an expert relationship counselor, there is no point in holding judgments. My aim is to always help my clients understand their problems and take steps to resolve them.
Now, this man talked to me about his thoughts and feelings. He felt terribly guilty and disappointed with himself. He also expressed his frustration with his wife who ‘never had time for him’. She would only be worried about her children and all their conversations revolved around diapers or doctor’s appointments.
After working through his emotions, I invited his wife to join the counseling sessions as well. Initially, there was a lot of bitterness, anger, and pain between them. They both had somewhere forgetting their responsibility toward each other and the love they had as husband and wife.
It took time, but both of them worked on their individual issues as well as on their relationship. In fact, the bond between them improved because now they could communicate and understand each other better, and prioritize their happiness as well.
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So, infidelity should not be viewed as the sole problem. At least in the context of a marriage, there is no harm in exploring the causes of cheating especially when there is even the slightest hope of making the marriage work”
The expert relationship counselor offered incredible insight into relationships, marriage, and the tendency to cheat. However, the interview with the expert relationship counselor left us with more questions about the complex nature of infidelity.
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Therefore, we asked her to go more in-depth and explain plausible factors that contribute to the behavior of cheating, and what can couples do to avoid it or save their marriage from falling apart.
The expert relationship counsellor says, “I never condone cheating. If you are not happy with your partner then talk about it. Sadly, that is the biggest problem. Couples don’t communicate with each other. They are not honest about their feelings, or they hold themselves back because they are scared to rock the boat.
They fail to realize that hiding too many holes in the ship will eventually sink it. It is better to repair the boat on time so you can reach your destination.
Now, there are several possible reasons behind infidelity in a relationship.
Lack of communication: Many couples become like two roommates living with each other. They hardly engage in meaningful conversations or fail to spend quality time with each other. This leads to emotional disconnect, and human beings are social animals. We crave connection and belongingness, and when a partner feels emotionally neglected or unappreciated, they may seek emotional validation and connection outside the relationship
Sexual dissatisfaction: Similarly, when a partner is not sexually satisfied or when there are differences in libido, it can create tension and frustration in the marriage Sharing sexual and physical intimacy is crucial for building and maintaining connection.
It is understandable that you and your partner may not engage in sexual intercourse every single day. However, holding hands, giving kisses, and engaging in sexual acts once in a week can be healthy for your marriage.
Low self-esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may seek validation and affirmation from other partners. Cheating may provide a temporary boost in self-esteem and a sense of validation that they may not be getting in their relationship.
It’s important to note that not all people with low self-esteem cheat in their relationships. Cheating is never justified, and individuals should take responsibility for their actions and seek help if they are struggling with self-esteem or relationship issues. Counseling or therapy can be helpful in addressing underlying issues and developing healthier coping mechanisms.
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Unresolved issues: Individuals who have unresolved emotional or psychological issues, such as unresolved trauma or attachment issues, may be more likely to engage in cheating behavior.
For instance, I had a 46 years old woman who cheated on her husband multiple times. She wanted to understand why this was happening and how she can gain better control over her actions.
After a couple of sessions, she talked about how she saw her mother cheating on her father when she was young. She despised her mother for breaking the family but ended up repeating the same patterns.
In therapy, we worked on resolving this deep-rooted issue, and gradually disconnect herself from her mother’s actions.
Fear of commitment: Some individuals may fear commitment and may engage in cheating behavior as a way to avoid deepening their emotional connection with their partner. Cheating becomes an escape from attachment.
In such cases, the expert relationship counselor highly recommended therapy. Talking to a therapist can help you explore the underlying causes of your fear and how to overcome it.
Conclusion
It is important to note that cheating is never justified, and if there are issues in the relationship that are leading to feelings of dissatisfaction or disconnection, it’s important to address them in a healthy and constructive way, such as through communication, therapy, or seeking support from trusted friends or family members.
Hey, there! Thank you for reading the article. We hope you found something valuable from it. Holistic Living is offering a 10-minute Free consultation with expert relationship counselors. If you have been contemplating relationship counseling then talking to our certified therapist can be a great headstart.
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