Did My Narcissistic Boyfriend Ever Love Me?
It has been 5 months since I ended the relationship with my narcissistic boyfriend. Yet, I find myself pacing back and forth, rewinding every detail, and wondering if he ever loved me.
Loving a narcissist in an unfortunate circumstance that leaves you wounded and broken. No doubt it was a whirlwind romance but if given a chance I would erase the first moment I met him.
Harsh and I met each other during my office conference. His dapper style and charming smile were enough to catch my attention. We chatted for long hours and it was surprising to know how much we shared in common!
The little girl in me gleamed with happiness, hoping that I had finally met my prince charming. Looking back I realize what a naive fool I was!
In the first three months of our relationship, Harsh spend an insane amount of money on me. He would take me to my favorite places, shower me with gifts, and take care of my every little need. I was mesmerized by his manliness and felt on top of the world.
Learn 7 Ways A Narcissist Can Manipulate You.
This continued for three months. Then one day Harsh asked me if I could transfer some money to his account. He assured me that he would return it in a few days. I immediately transferred the amount because in my heart I trusted him completely.
After a few weeks, he again asked for money. I gently reminded him of the pending amount. This was a huge trigger for him! He started abusing me and told me that I was a gold digger. He accused me of being ungrateful and forgetting all the times he had spent money on me.
I felt guilty and shameful. In retrospect, I realized how he had turned the tables on me. Instead of taking accountability, he had cleverly trapped me into feeling bad.
This was only one of many incidents.
Harsh was good until I confronted him about his behaviors, or took a stand for myself. He would often criticize me and belittle my achievements. He would comment on my physical appearance and never had a positive word to say.
The whole relationship was exhausting, confusing, and heartbreaking. I kept searching for the Harsh I met in the beginning but then I accepted that it was only a delusion. He had never existed.
Also Read: How To Effectively Deal With A Narcissist
My self-esteem was destroyed, and I started having panic attacks. I was lagging in my career and I felt utterly isolated and alone. That is when I went for therapy at the Holistic Living Center.
In therapy, I confronted the truth that I was stuck in a narcissistic relationship. Being aware of narcissistic traits was the first step. The therapist then helped me rebuild my self-esteem and confidence. I also learned how to identify my triggers, set healthy boundaries, and prioritize my well-being.
It was an exhilarating journey. There were many sessions where I just sat and cried. I had buried so much pain and it all came pouring out in therapy. My therapist was extremely patient and understanding. He gave me unconditional support and created a comforting space for me.
I never found closer with Harsh. I simply blocked him from everywhere. A few weeks after our break-up, I found out that he was already dating someone else. He had posted pictures with lovey-dovey captions.
I again started having panic attacks, and sleep issues. I felt numb and broken. I wondered if my narcissistic boyfriend ever loved me? Were any of his promises true? Would he change for this new woman?
It took time but I understood that it was not my problem anymore. Closure or no closure, I had to move on. I had to detach myself from the past and focus on my well-being. This was possible only with the help of my amazing therapist at Holistic Living Center.
The relationship broke my heart into pieces. But the journey of healing and moving on gave me emotional maturity and taught me that relationships are good only when they are reciprocal.
It is difficult to love a narcissistic person, but what is more challenging is to escape their abuse and love yourself again. It took time but I learned how to do it. So if you, or anybody you know is experiencing narcissistic abuse then please seek professional help immediately.
Everybody deserves peaceful and healthy love!
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