Bitter Truth About Online Couples Therapy You Must Know
Couples Therapy at Holistic Living
Couples therapy is a process where the expert relationship counsellor guides and helps the couple to work through their issues. It aims at improving communication, and problem-solving skills and clearing the differences between the partners.
Couples therapy is generally focused on saving the marriage and strengthening the marital bond.
However, a rather contradictory objective of couples therapy is also to help couples come to terms that their marriage has run its course and mutually settle the separation. At times, we drag a relationship at the cost of our personal growth and happiness.
Especially, in India where marriage is seen as a sacred commitment, many couples choose to stay in unhappy and even toxic marriages. In the long run, this is even more detrimental to the individual’s well-being and can get them stuck in a terrible space.
Varsha and Nihal had come to Holistic Living for couples therapy. They were married for 16 years and in these years they suffered from many fights, arguments and cold wars. They were practically two separate people living together for the sake of their children.
Divorce or separation of parents has a negative impact on the child. Still, living and witnessing a dysfunctional and broken marriage can lead to unhealthy beliefs about love and relationships and will harm the children even more than do any good.
“My parents also had a bad marriage. I thought all marriages were like that, based on compromises and adjustments. Naturally, when Nihal and I started having ugly fights I thought it was normal but couples therapy helped me to understand that I was projecting my inner fears and accepting a reality that wasn’t even mine.” says Varsha.
The mind will seek familiar situations because it knows how to navigate them. In the case of Varsha, she chose to stay in an unhappy marriage for 16 years because that is what she had seen and known all her life.
The expert relationship counsellor at Holistic Living guided Varsha to shift her perspective and open her mind to the truth that it is possible to create a happy and satisfying marriage.
“One of the best things I got out of couples therapy is a new and fresh way of looking at love and relationships. I felt very hopeless after I realized that my marriage had ended years back, and you know how society is. A 45-year-old divorced woman is doomed. But my therapist supported me emotionally and helped me regain my hope and courage” talks Varsha.
In couples therapy, you get a space where you can freely explore your thoughts, emotions and needs. Many of us stay in denial of our own expectations and for some reason choose to settle down for a bare minimum relationship. In couples therapy, you and your partner get an opportunity to be vocal about your needs and values and understand if you are on the same page or not.
“Of course, as a relationship therapist, I want marriage to thrive. I mean, who does not like a happy ending? However, our ideas of a happy ending are also very much influenced by Bollywood. In reality, sometimes, happy endings mean choosing ourselves and learning how to prioritise our happiness and well-being.
Forcing a marriage that has already expired will only lead to feelings of resentment and bitterness between the two people. It takes courage to stand up for yourself and accept that your marriage is over. That is just the beginning of something new” says an expert relationship counsellor at Holistic Living.
Couples therapy also focuses on the personal growth and individual identity of the two partners. Every relationship has fights, disagreements and rough patches but what makes a real difference is how well two people can bounce back from them and still show the same level of love and respect for each other.
Sadly, in some relationships, two people repel each other instead of complementing each other’s personalities. They believe that ‘time’ will make everything better but the truth is as time passes they simply learn to put up with each other and that just takes away the respect, love and affection from the marriage.
Couples therapy helps the partners to mutually end the marriage and continue seeing each other with respect and maintain a cordial relationship in the future.
“Couples therapy gave me the courage to accept that this is not what I want. It helped me and Varsha to have many honest conversations with each other. I still hold a lot of respect for her and if we ever meet at any events or mutual friends’ parties we can look each other in the eye. Of course, it was a difficult decision but a much-needed one” says Nihal.
Each one of us deserves a happy and loving relationship. Creating long-lasting relationships takes a lot of effort and a strong sense of commitment. Of course, nobody enters a marriage thinking that it will end, but somewhere down the line when the differences become too glaring to ignore and you find yourself feeling low and drained most of the time then it is better to understand where it is all coming from.
Couples therapy helps you and your partner to be open and honest with each other and explore your own needs and expectations from the marriage. It helps to find a resolution and revive the relationship. However, in some cases, if that is not happening then counselling helps to mutually settle the differences and move forward at an individual level.