12 Red Flags That Your Partner Is Being Controlling
“There is only one thing you can control in a relationship- yourself. Not your partner.”
A healthy relationship is something that many people strive for. It’s a wonderful feeling to be able to reveal your deepest and darkest secrets with the person you love without holding back. Unfortunately, not everyone has the experience of being in such a relationship. In certain circumstances, the relationship you’re in may be more hassle than it’s worth, and it may be more toxic than you think. This is especially true if you’re in a relationship with a “controlling partner”.
A controlling relationship occurs when one person dominates the other in an unhealthy and self-serving way. You may be in a dominating relationship if your spouse continually makes you feel frightened, uncomfortable, or guilty. Control is a kind of abuse in a relationship.
Since it may be difficult to spot, here are 12 signs that you should keep an eye out for in your relationship.
They dictate your money or control your finances.
Money is one of the most common challenges that couples face. That appears to be a frequent topic of discourse, ranging from not making enough to spending much too much. Though some concerns may be resolved, if you have a spouse who constantly makes money a topic of conversation, you may want to consider their motives. It’s excellent to have open talks about your money. It may, however, become domineering if your spouse begins telling you what you can and cannot do with the money you earn.
They try to seclude you from those that you love.
Your family and friends will usually understand since there is a balance between spending time with everyone in your life. But when your spouse tries to dominate you by keeping you away from people who love you and wants you to spend all of your time with them, it’s a massive red flag that something isn’t right.
They need to know your every move or they make a big deal if they don’t.
In modest doses, having a spouse who is concerned about you and what you’re doing might be beneficial. However, if what you’re doing and where you are becomes the focal focus of every conversation, you may have a problem. If your spouse is controlling, they will most likely want to know where you are at all times, what you’re doing, and who you’re with. They want to be able to manage what you do and with whom you do it so that it matches their standards and expectations.
They are prone to excessive jealousy and accusations.
A controlling partner may be unreasonably jealous and accuse you of flirting or cheating on others without cause or evidence. While this might be an indication that they are dealing with their own fears or experiences from previous infidelity, it is unjust and unhealthy for them to repeatedly blame you.
They go through your phone and belongings
Everyone, whether single or in a committed relationship, is entitled to privacy. A partner who reads your text messages, phone history, emails, or searches through your stuff without your permission does not trust you or respect your limits.
They will be critical of you all the time.
A controlling relationship may weaken your confidence and make you feel uneasy, putting you down in public and/or private. For example, they may criticise how you dress or spend your time, exaggerate your ‘flaws,’ or make fun of you in front of others while dismissing it as ‘just a joke.’
They hold you responsible for everything.
The ‘blame game’ is prevalent among those in positions of power. They may quickly assume the victim role and blame you for everything that goes wrong – even though it has nothing to do with you.
They may pressure you toward unhealthy behaviors, like substance abuse.
Controlling people can try to undermine your efforts to be a better (and stronger) person by undermining your fitness objectives, persistently enticing you with smokes after you’ve stopped, and not respecting your decision to only have one drink rather than three. It’s a natural weapon for controlling individuals to utilise because they live on weakening their relationships.
They have a habit of telling you what is “correct.”
When you have a problem in your life, the first person you generally talk to or vent to is your spouse. However, if they try to impose their ideas on you, it is a symptom of a dominating relationship. Rather of giving ideas, they tell you what has to be done. Controlling individuals want you to behave in a way that pleases them, therefore they will tell you what you’should’ do regardless of how you feel about it.
They are always making promises they won’t keep.
Reliability is crucial, but if your companion is a chronic flake, it might be an indication of their dominating character. Changes that have been agreed upon are not maintained, and promises made in controlling relationships are not kept. This is how they keep you involved in the relationship, and it’s a deliberate ploy because because a controller understands how to take advantage of your helplessness They accomplish this by providing you just enough to make you believe in them again and over again, so you don’t vanish.
They tell you or act like your opinion doesn’t matter.
Both partners in a relationship should feel as though they are important. Everyone deserves to feel as though they matter when they are with someone, from their sentiments to their problems. However, if you’re in a dominating/controlling relationship, you could feel the polar opposite. Most controlling spouses assume that their point of view is the only one that matters. They don’t care about your opinion or what you have to say. They want total control over your every move, whether you like it or not.
They make you doubt yourself by sabotaging your professional or educational aspirations.
Maybe you’ve always assumed you’d go to medical school, but your spouse is making you feel like your grades aren’t good enough. Maybe you used to be really motivated to start your own business, but your spouse dismisses your ideas as ridiculous, and you’ve lost the courage to take them further. A controlling spouse frequently uses you as a weapon against yourself, sowing seeds of doubt about your ability, intelligence, or hard effort to make positive things happen in your life. This is just more technique for them to take away your autonomy, making you more dependent on them.
It’s tough to be alert, present, and observant of what’s going on in your relationship since we’re sometimes dazzled by love or the concept of being in a relationship, but we should concentrate on not allowing love to cloud our judgement, and keep an eye out for any dominating behaviour.
Being in a domineering relationship may be perplexing and overwhelming. However, you do not have to go through this alone. There is assistance available. The more you know about controlling relationships, the more prepared you’ll be to deal with one. Contact someone you trust and feel at ease with. You can also seek mental health assistance. You might look for local therapists and support groups. If you are unable to leave because your safety is in jeopardy, a professional may be able to assist you and monitor the situation.
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