How Can Marriage Counseling Change My Toxic Spouse?
Marriage counseling is a collaborative journey that requires equal participation of both partners. Marriage in itself is that way. It can only thrive when both partners are committed and willing to do everything it takes to keep their bond alive.
Mr. Sanjay had a peculiar complaint. He believed that his wife was toxic. Her persistent nagging, suspicion, and negative attitude were making life difficult for him.
He came to the Holistic Living Center hoping that marriage counseling would change his toxic wife and bring back peace in his life.
Although the expert marriage counselor at Holistic Living Center lauded Mr. Sanjay’s decision, he advised him to refrain from giving any guaranteed labels or conclusions about his life partner.
According to research conducted by Mr. Sanjeev Mittal, a renowned marriage counselor, couples often become the victim of confirmation bias.
Confirmation bias is a common error in thinking. It is the habit of looking for evidence that matches our beliefs, disregarding everything else that may prove otherwise.
For instance, if you believe that your partner is toxic, you will likely focus more on everything they do wrong rather than accepting the person as a whole.
Mr. Sanjay had fallen prey to confirmation bias. Something he realized in the 5th session of marriage counseling. How Mr. Sanjay came to this revelation and what happened next is covered a bit later in this article
First, let’s understand more about confirmation bias and how it affects a couple’s perception toward each other.
Confirmation bias is when you have a belief or an idea about someone or something, and you tend to notice and remember things that support that belief while ignoring things that go against it.
In relationships, this can happen when you form a rigid belief about your partner, like “my partner never helps with household chores” or “my partner never understands me.”
Once you have that belief, you might only notice times when your partner doesn’t help with chores or times when you feel misunderstood. You might overlook moments when your partner does help or tries to understand you.
This can create a one-sided view of your partner and your relationship, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflict.
Mr. Sanjay had a one-sided view of his wife because of a clear communication breach between them. Marriage counseling was the first time they had honest, open, and heart-to-heart conversations.
In the initial sessions, the couple vented all their complaints, concerns, and expectations. There was yelling, blame games, and a lot of meltdowns.
“It is therapeutic when couples express emotions. It is the first and most important step toward change” says Mr. Sanjeev Mittal.
Honest communication gave clarity to the couple. They realized that they had been living in a bubble. Mr. Sanjay’s lack of listening skills and Mrs. Gauri’s impulsive and anxious nature had created deep-rooted misunderstandings.
Moreover, their poor communication skills and tendency of confirmation bias further created a rift between the couple. Their marriage was affected by feelings of resentment, hurt, and disappointment.
The marriage counselor provided effective strategies to help the couple develop strong communication skills, actively listen to each other, and practice empathy and compassion.
It was a challenging task. It is never easy to break free from deep-rooted patterns of behavior, thoughts, and beliefs. However, kudos to the couple’s resilience and commitment. Although they approached marriage counseling with a closed mindset, they gradually learned to shift their perspective and make necessary changes.
“Everything changes when you just listen to your wife!” laughs Mr. Sanjay.
Mr. Gauri consciously worked on managing her anxiety and communicating openly with her husband. Marriage counseling helped her feel more secure in her relationship and understand her husband’s needs as well.
“Marriage is a two-way street. Sometimes we are so stuck in our heads that it becomes difficult to understand the other person. I am grateful for our marriage counselor at Holistic Living for resolving our issues and helping us become better for each other” says Mrs. Gauri.
