You’ll Make It Through: 6 Divorce Self Healing Tips
Divorce can turn out to be complicated and take an emotional toll on you. Traveling into this new era of your life can feel like walking through the Haunted Forest on a dimly lighted Yellow Brick Road. Take these self healing ideas with you for your (mental) safety and (emotional) well-being.
1. Divorce is something that no one is ready for.
Divorce is a difficult legal and emotional process. Consider this if you’re feeling lost, confused, afraid, or uninformed: it’s not about you; it’s about divorce. Nobody is ready for a divorce. With the exception of divorce attorneys and therapists who work with divorcing couples, that is. Perhaps a divorce lawyer who also works as a therapist with divorced couples? No, most likely not even they.
2. Take Good Care of Yourself
This may seem self-evident, but when people are under a lot of stress, they tend to neglect their most fundamental needs: good nutrition, regular exercise, and adequate sleep. The foundation for your mental and emotional well-being is your physical health. So, in the next days and months, make wise decisions for yourself.
3. You already have all you require.
Divorce results in the loss of many things: a marriage, a home, a way of life, and a dream. Divorce also brings with it a great deal of uncertainty regarding the future, finances, living arrangements, and child custody arrangements. The combination of loss and uncertainty can cause a lot of stress. “I have all I need,” tell yourself when terror grips you. Repeat it to yourself until you believe it. Because it’s true: you may not have everything you desire right now, but you almost certainly do have everything you require.
4. You don’t need to explain.
If you’ve begun to tell people about your divorce, you’ve almost certainly been asked, “Why?” Be aware that most people who ask “Why?” or “What happened?” aren’t asking for your benefit; they’re looking for answers to satisfy their curiosity. Perhaps they’re worried about their marriages and want to compare notes with yours.
Perhaps they’re looking for knowledge so that they can make a decision or take sides. Maybe they’re drama junkies who want early access to all the juicy details. You don’t have to justify yourself, no matter why they’re asking. If it makes you feel wonderful, tell your story. If it doesn’t, a simple “You know, these things happen all the time” will suffice.
5. Discover Your Tribe
Nobody goes through divorce by himself. Sure, you could hire a lawyer or find a qualified therapist to assist you, but chances are you’ll need more than that. Who in your family or community truly comprehends your situation? Who among us is a good listener? Who among us has gone through a divorce with dignity, honesty, and wit?
Who is most likely to make you laugh so hard that you snort coffee? You’re going to need every single one of them. What about those who exclaimed, “Why?!?” while off-gassing lethal dosages of terror in response to your divorce announcement? They aren’t required. Those who declared, “I am deeply saddened to learn of this. What can I do to assist you?” —those are the folks you’re dealing with and waiting for your call.
6. For ten minutes, you can do anything.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed by the big picture, try to concentrate on what’s going on right now. “I can accomplish anything for one minute,” tell yourself. And keep in mind that all of this divorce nonsense will come to an end. There is a “follow-up.” You’ll find a way out eventually. Promise.
Talk To a Marriage counselor to navigate your way through divorce.