How To Spot A Covert Narcissist: 8 Signs & Recovery
A covert narcissist is someone who possesses traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in subtle ways. They thrive on attention, yet appear to be humble and introverted. They lack empathy, yet demonstrate excessive kindness toward others. However, beneath their ‘altruistic’ demeanor, lies a self-centered, and manipulative person.
Covert narcissists have a fluctuating and unpredictable personality, often leaving others confused and mentally exhausted.
If you are dealing with a covert narcissist, chances are even you feel lost, stuck, or confused about the relationship. It is best to consult an experienced therapist for Narcissistic Personality Disorder and receive clarity, guidance, and support.
Having said that, here is your complete guide on how to identify covert narcissist signs, and ways to manage them.
Table of Content:
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition condition characterized by:
A) Exaggerated self-importance
Individuals with NPD often have an inflated sense of their own abilities and achievements. They may believe they are superior to others and expect recognition or special treatment, even when it’s undeserved.
B) Lack of empathy or compassion
They struggle to understand or care about others’ feelings, needs, or experiences. This lack of empathy often leads to strained relationships, as they may dismiss or ignore the emotions of those around them.
C) Possess a sense of entitlement
They feel they deserve special privileges or recognition without putting in the effort. This entitlement can lead to frustration or anger when their expectations are not met.
D) Exploit and manipulate others
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD may use others to achieve their own goals without considering the consequences. They often view relationships as tools for personal gain rather than genuine connections.
E) Arrogant & haughty behaviors
They may display an attitude of superiority, looking down on others or behaving as though they are better than everyone else. This arrogance can alienate people and create a sense of isolation.
F) Constant need for admiration
Narcissists crave excessive praise and attention to validate their self-worth. They may go to great lengths to seek approval and may feel insecure or upset if they don’t receive it.
G) Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, etc
They often daydream about achieving extraordinary success, wealth, or power, seeing themselves as destined for greatness. These fantasies may lead them to set unrealistic goals or feel dissatisfied with their current situation.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder cannot be ‘treated’. However, with Therapy for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it is possible to manage these traits, improve relationships, and lead a healthier life.
Dealing with a narcissist can be exhausting. Take support for expert therapist for NPD in Mumbai or Online.
Covert Narcissist Meaning
Covert narcissism, also known as vulnerable or hypersensitive narcissism is a less obvious form of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Or, we could say a disguised form of NPD.
Recognizing a covert narcissist can be challenging because these individuals often mask their narcissistic traits behind a pretense of modesty or introversion, making their behaviors less recognizable as compared to overt narcissists.
Our expert therapists for NPD have listed 8 signs of covert narcissist.
1. Social Withdrawal and Shyness
Covert narcissists tend to avoid large social gatherings and may appear shy or reserved. They often feel uncomfortable in social situations where they are not the center of attention or where they might be exposed to criticism.
2. Self-reflection and Sensitivity
They are highly self-reflective and sensitive to criticism. Any perceived slight or criticism can be deeply wounding, leading to a preoccupation with their own thoughts and feelings. This sensitivity can result in them withdrawing from social interactions to avoid potential negative feedback.
3. Perceived Inferiority and Victimhood
Despite their narcissistic traits, covert narcissists often feel inferior and may adopt a victim mentality. They might believe that others do not recognize their true worth or that they are constantly misunderstood. This perceived inferiority fuels their introverted behavior, as they seek to protect themselves from further perceived harm.
4. Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Instead of confronting issues directly, covert narcissists might use passive-aggressive tactics. For instance, they may sulk, give backhanded compliments, or engage in silent treatment. This indirect approach allows them to maintain a facade of introversion while still attempting to manipulate or control situations.
5. Fantasy Life
Covert narcissists often retreat into a rich fantasy life where they envision themselves achieving great success, power, or admiration. These fantasies serve as a coping mechanism for their feelings of inadequacy and can be a source of comfort. Their introversion can be a result of preferring these internal fantasies over real-world interactions.
6. Selective Relationships
They tend to form relationships with people who reinforce their self-image or validate their feelings of specialness. These relationships are often one-sided, with the covert narcissist receiving more emotional support than they give. Their introversion may be a way to control the dynamics of their relationships more carefully.
7. Subdued Grandiosity
Unlike overt narcissists, who are outwardly boastful and attention-seeking, covert narcissists exhibit their grandiosity in more subtle ways. They might express it through a quiet sense of superiority or a belief that they are unique and special, but this is often kept hidden behind a modest or humble exterior.
8. Mental Health Concerns
Due to their sensitivity and perceived inadequacies, covert narcissists are more prone to depression and anxiety. Their introverted nature may fuel these feelings, as they internalize their struggles and may avoid seeking help or support.
It can be challenging to spot a covert narcissist as these signs are often subdued. In such cases, it can be helpful to talk to a Therapist for Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Mumbai or Online to gain better clarity and understanding about narcissism.
Covert Narcissist In Relationships
Covert narcissist often plays the victim role in their relationships, and portray their partners as the villain. Nothing is ever their fault. They are simply little kittens used and abused by the world around them. Consequently, they seldom take responsibility for their actions and are quick to blame their partners.
Covert narcissists cannot tolerate confrontations or criticism. Rather than direct confrontation, covert narcissists often express displeasure through passive-aggressive actions such as silent treatment, subtle insults, or backhanded compliments.
These individuals need constant reassurance and validation. They fish for compliments or create situations where their partner is expected to boost their ego. They might exhibit irrational jealousy and envy, feeling threatened by their partner’s successes or relationships with others. This could lead to controlling behaviors, or creating tantrums whenever their partner seems happy ‘without’ them.
A covert would engage in charities and other altruistic acts. However, admiration and entitlement are the real intentions behind any kind of kindness. It also serves as a manipulative tactic to create a sense of obligation toward them.
They expect their partners to manage their emotional states without any reciprocation. Everything needs to be at their convenience. Over time, this can drain you out and make you emotionally numb.
Being in a relationship with a covert narcissist is a confusing and exhausting experience. Their manipulation and victim mindset can begin to distort your reality and erode your self-esteem.
Therapy for NPD can give you the right support and techniques to manage narcissistic relationships, and protect yourself from its dangers.
How To Deal With A Covert Narcissist?
Therapy is the only concrete way to deal with a narcissist.
Here is why:
1. Better Clarity & Rational Thinking
Narcissists are clever individuals. Their manipulative tactics including gaslighting, stonewalling, etc can create a brain fog or make you emotionally numb. It can get challenging to see the real picture, keeping you stuck in the unhealthy equation.
Talking to a therapist for NPD helps to process the emotions, untangle your thoughts, and give you clarity on what is happening. A therapist for NPD listens attentively, holds zero judgments, and communicates genuine empathy, helping you prioritize your feelings and make sense of the relationship.
2. Effective Techniques & Strategies
Dealing with a narcissist can do deep-rooted damage to your mental well-being. Take the example of Mehak. She experienced ‘random’ panic attacks, not understanding why. Even after she left the narcissistic relationship, she could not function well.
This was because she had buried a lot of pain, hurt, and anger inside her. These unprocessed emotions caused anxiety and panic. In Therapy for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, she learned how to release the blocked emotions and free herself from the chronic anxiety.
Many different therapeutic modalities can help to manage/overcome narcissistic abuse. These include CBT, REBT, DBT, Hypnotherapy etc.
At Holistic Living Wellness Center in Mumbai, India, we go beyond the mind and focus on the spiritual aspects of self as well.
Our approach is highly integrative, helping you heal from the abuse at a mind, body, and soul level.
These therapeutic and healing modalities give you the power to overcome narcissistic abuse and change your life.
Take a 10-minute Free consultation with our Expert Therapists for Narcissistic Personality Disorder Today!
3. Support & Guidance
Most victims of narcissistic abuse have a weak support system. Either the narcissist isolates them from others or creates a false narrative of being the victim. This can leave them feeling misunderstood, lonely, and doubting their own judgments.
This is where a therapist for NPD can lend a helping hand. The therapist provides genuine support and understanding. He or she listens intently and validates their experiences. This can be highly relieving and rewarding for victims of narcissistic abuse.
4. Sense of Autonomy & Independence
The ultimate goal of therapy for is to help you become independent and deal with challenges on your own. Being with a covert narcissist can deplete your sense of self, and make you neglect your needs. In therapy, you will learn how to firmly set boundaries, prioritize self-care, and overcome narcissistic abuse.
Recognize & Break Patterns
One of the most important aspects of treatment for narcissistic personality disorder is recognizing any dysfunctional beliefs or patterns that you might be having. For instance, someone with a narcissistic parent is likely to attract a narcissistic partner. Or, someone with low self-esteem will put up with narcissistic manipulation.
Understanding your roots can helo to modify your mindset and transform you into stronger and self-assured individual. So, in future if you ever encounter a narcissist, you can quickly turn away and save yourself.
FAQs- Covert Narcissism
1. Can covert narcissists change?
Yes, change is possible, but it requires self-awareness and a willingness to seek professional help. Covert narcissists must work on their behaviors and thought patterns, which can take time. Therapy for Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be effective. However, they need to genuinely commit to growth for lasting change.
2. Can covert narcissist fall in love?
Covert narcissists can experience feelings of love, but their fear of vulnerability and self-focused tendencies may hinder deep emotional connection. Their love may often feel conditional or self-serving. With therapy, they can learn healthier ways to build and maintain relationships.
3. Is covert narcissism a mental illness?
Covert narcissism is not classified as a standalone mental illness. It is a subtype of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which is a recognized mental health condition. Covert narcissism includes traits like low self-esteem, sensitivity to criticism, and a hidden sense of superiority.
4. Can covert narcissist be treated?
Yes, covert narcissists can be treated, but it requires consistent effort and professional help. Holistic Therapy for NPD can help them understand their patterns and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Progress depends on their willingness to engage in the therapeutic process.
The Holistic Living Wellness Studio
Holistic Living Wellness Studio in Mumbai-India offers a compassionate, holistic framework to help victims of narcissistic abuse overcome trauma and rebuild their lives.
By integrating therapies such as counseling, hypnotherapy, and energy healing, the center addresses the emotional, mental, and spiritual wounds caused by abuse.
Through personalized support, clients learn to set healthy boundaries, regain self-esteem, and build inner peace.
In addition to helping survivors, the center also works with individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Therapists for NPD use tailored approaches to help them identify harmful patterns, understand underlying triggers, and develop healthier ways to connect with others, ultimately breaking cycles of narcissism and bringing emotional growth.
