Did My Narcissistic Mother Ever Love Me?
Being raised by a narcissistic mother can do unimaginable damage. I had invisible scars and unhealed wounds. I lived half of my life constructing high walls and hating the world around me.
My mother was a chronic attention-seeker. She would physically get upset if I took away her limelight. She never left an opportunity to degrade me and play the victim card. In her story, I was always the bad daughter, and she was a heroic mother who sacrificed everything for me.
When I was young, I could not understand the manipulative tactics used by my narcissistic mother. She would isolate me from my father, often talking bad things about him and how much abuse she had endured because of him.
Her constant negativity breed hatred and resentment in my heart toward my father. I distanced myself from him. (I think that is exactly what my mother wanted).
My narcissistic mother would leave no stone unturned to separate me from my friends as well. Nobody was ever good for her. She would always manage to find some mistake or flaw in everybody.
She did not even spare me from her constant judgment and criticism.
Why don’t you eat less? Look at your hips. Don’t you think they are too much?
Let’s consult a doctor. Your teeth are shabby. It doesn’t go right with your pretty smile.
Are you really going to wear wearing this?
I realized I could never be good enough for my narcissistic mother. It detoritated my sense of self. I would feel ugly about myself, and my confidence was pathetic.
This greatly affected my personal and work relations. I had difficulty in setting healthy boundaries or taking a stand for myself. As a result, I was taken for a toss almost everywhere.
When I turned 26 years old, reality hit me hard! After a severe anxiety attack, and 4 failed relationships I realized I needed professional help.
I came in contact with Mr. Sanjeev Mittal at the Holistic Living Wellness Center. In hindsight, I understand how it changed my life completely.
I took the sessions for my anxiety attacks. Little did I know that it would uncover my childhood traumas and force me to confront my narcissistic mother.
After 6 months of therapy, I could recover from the scars left by my narcissistic mother. The journey was heartbreaking and freeing at the same time.
For so long I was bound by my mother’s unsaid abuse. That greatly shaped my thoughts, beliefs, identity, and attitude toward life.
I used to believe that the world is a cruel place and that every person must survive on its own. This hyper-independency did more harm than good. It led to chronic stress, emotional numbness, and imbalanced relationships.
Working with Mr. Sanjeev Mittal helped me identify the irrational beliefs, and guided me on how to change them. It did not happen overnight! It took a lot of courage, consistent practice, and compassion to change how I see the world and talk to myself.
I learned how to engage in positive inner dialogue and manage my triggers effectively. This completely shifted the quality of my relationships. I became much calmer and acted with love rather than the probing anxiety. I could set boundaries with my mother, and not let her get the best of me.
My work colleagues noticed a visible difference in my personality. They were surprised to witness my spontaneity and openness. Before, I felt inferior and nervous to interact with my seniors, but now I confidently communicate with them.
This transformation was gradual. And if I am being completely honest, I don’t think it would have been possible without the guidance and support of Mr. Sanjeev Mittal. His compassionate attitude and comforting presence made the process easier for me.
I ended up learning so much about myself, my life, and the world around me. I understood that changing my narcissistic mother was a hopeless battle. The best thing I could do was detach myself from her and write my own life story.
Does it still hurt? Yes, it does. Sometimes I wonder if my narcissistic mother ever love me, and sometimes I feel pity for her. Either way, I have become comfortable with my emotions and learned how not to overthink them. I have let go of the anger, disappointment, and shame I felt.
Therapy at Holistic Living Wellness Center helped me understand that I have the power to change, I have the power to choose, and this time I choose my happiness and health.
