9 Tips To Deal With Jealousy By Certified Psychologist That Will Free You From The Deadly Sin
Certified Psychologist- Holistic Living
Jealousy or envy is a natural feeling that comes when you are in love, or in a committed relationship with someone. It is common to give the side eye or turn red when you see somebody being flirty with your partner. A little amount of jealousy indicates a desire to maintain exclusivity with the one you love.
So, when does jealousy become a problem? Any emotion when felt in the extreme becomes dangerous. When envy consumes your mind it can manifest as impulsive, controlling, or even maniac behavior. This disrupts the peace of any relationship and creates tension and conflicts between the two partners.
For instance, let’s say, Paul and Daisy are in a relationship. Daisy is a chirpy girl who loves to make friends even with the opposite gender. Paul adores Daisy but he is secretly envious of the male attention she receives.
Initially, Paul tried to hide his true feelings. However, as their relationship progressed, his jealousy started coming out in small actions. He would insist daily to cancel plans with her friends and instead spending time with him. He would check her phone in her absence. He would even stalk Daisy on social media and keep track of everyone she followed.
Certified Psychologist- Holistic Living
Paul never addressed or communicated his feelings with Daisy because he feared that she would see him as an insecure man. Paul’s refusal to work on his problem led to fights and arguments between them where he would blame Daisy for attracting too much of male attention.
Daisy tried to assure Paul that he was only assuming things that were not true at all. But his jealousy clouded all his rationality and sound judgments.
They eventually ended up breaking the relationship.
When Paul started dating another woman, he experienced the same emotions of jealousy and insecure behavioral patterns. This time, however, he was matur enough to seek professional help for his problem.
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In therapy, Paul could see how his jealousy was tied to his personal insecurities and fears. He constantly worried about losing his partner to someone else, or probably someone better than him. This was because his ex-partner had cheated on him, and he was carrying the past baggage along with him and projecting his suppressed emotions on his next relationships.
Paul’s story shows us that jealousy is often an underlying sign of a bigger concern. According to psychology and research studies, jealousy can stem from many reasons. The certified psychologist at Holistic Living gives four major reasons for jealousy in romantic relationships.
Fear of loss: One of the main reasons for jealousy in relationships is the fear of losing one’s partner to someone else. This fear can be intensified by factors such as insecurity, past relationship experiences, and perceived threats to the relationship
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For example, a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals who reported feeling insecure in their relationships were more likely to experience jealousy and engage in controlling behaviors toward their partners. In extreme cases, this fear of loss can lead to obsessive behavior and even violence.
Lack of trust: Another reason for jealousy in relationships is a lack of trust. When individuals do not trust their partners, they may feel jealous of their interactions with others, even if there is no evidence of infidelity.
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For example, imagine a couple where one partner frequently goes out with friends but doesn’t invite the other partner. The excluded partner may begin to feel jealous and suspicious, even if there is no evidence of cheating. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that trust was negatively associated with jealousy, suggesting that lack of trust may be a significant predictor of jealousy in relationships.
Comparison with others: Jealousy in relationships can also arise when individuals compare themselves to others. For example, a person may feel jealous of their partner’s ex-partner, or they may feel jealous of their partner’s attractive coworker.
Certified Psychologist- Holistic Living
A study published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that individuals who frequently compared themselves to others on social media were more likely to experience jealousy and dissatisfaction with their romantic relationships. This suggests that social comparison may be a significant predictor of jealousy in relationships.
Personal history and experiences: Finally, jealousy in relationships can be influenced by an individual’s personal history and experiences. For example, someone who has been cheated on in the past may be more likely to experience jealousy and suspicion in future relationships.
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One study published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior found that individuals who had been cheated on in the past were more likely to experience jealousy and engage in mate-guarding behaviors, such as monitoring their partner’s activities and limiting their contact with others. This suggests that past experiences can shape an individual’s response to jealousy in relationships.
Overall, these are just a few examples of the many factors that can contribute to jealousy in relationships. It’s important to remember that jealousy can be a normal and even healthy part of relationships, but it’s important to manage it in a constructive way to avoid negative consequences.
Here are nine tips by certified psychologist for managing jealousy and building trust in your relationship:
Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and non-judgmentally observing your thoughts and feelings. By practicing mindfulness, you can learn to observe your jealous thoughts without getting caught up in them.
Research has shown that mindfulness can reduce jealousy and improve relationship satisfaction (Wachs & Cordova, 2007).
For example, imagine that you see your partner talking to an attractive coworker and immediately feel jealous. Rather than getting upset or making accusations, you take a few deep breaths and focus on your present surroundings. This can help you stay grounded and reduce feelings of jealousy.
Challenge your assumptions: Jealousy often arises from assumptions or interpretations of your partner’s behavior. By challenging these assumptions and seeking clarification, you can reduce the likelihood of miscommunication and build trust in your relationship.
For example, you may see your partner talking to someone of the opposite sex and assume that they’re flirting. Rather than getting upset or jealous, you ask your partner about their conversation and learn that they were just discussing work-related topics. This can help you avoid unnecessary jealousy and build trust in your partner.
Engage in activities together: Engaging in activities together can help strengthen your bond and reduce feelings of jealousy. By sharing experiences and building positive memories, you can increase your sense of connection and reduce the likelihood of jealousy.
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For instance, you and your partner can take a cooking class together. You work together to create a delicious meal, and the experience strengthens your bond and reduces feelings of jealousy.
Practice gratitude: Practicing gratitude involves focusing on the positive aspects of your relationship and expressing appreciation for your partner. By focusing on the good in your relationship, you can reduce negative emotions such as jealousy and build a stronger sense of connection.
For example, writing a gratitude journal each day, expressing appreciation for your partner’s positive qualities and actions can help you stay focused on the good in your relationship and reduce feelings of jealousy.
Build a supportive social network: Having a supportive social network can help reduce feelings of jealousy and provide a source of emotional support. By connecting with others who understand and validate your feelings, you can reduce the isolation and anxiety that often accompanies jealousy.
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You can join a support group for individuals struggling with jealousy in relationships. By connecting with others who have experienced similar struggles, you can build a supportive social network and reduce feelings of jealousy.
In addition to the tips above, relationship counseling can be a powerful tool for helping couples deal with jealousy. A certified psychologist can help you identify the underlying causes of your jealousy, develop effective communication strategies, and build trust in your relationship. Research has shown that relationship counseling can be effective in improving relationship satisfaction and reducing conflict, making it a valuable tool for couples struggling with jealousy.
Conclusion
Jealousy can ruin the best of relationships. It creeps into your mind and creates irreparable damage between you and your partner. Although jealousy could be a natural feeling, it is crucial to monitor and manage it on time.
The tips mentioned above are given by our experienced and certified psychologist. He has helped many individuals and couples to break free from this deadly sin and build a trusting and fulfilling relationships.
If you would like to talk to a certified psychologist and understand how you can manage jealousy then take our 10-minute free consultation. Just click on the link and you can connect with the certified psychologist on WhatsApp Now!
